{"title":"WTF Are We Even Buying","description":"\u003cp\u003eSacred nonsense you didn’t know you needed.\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"loop-infused-air-™-limited-inhalation-edition-certificate","title":"LOOP INFUSED AIR ™ — Limited Inhalation Edition + Certificate","description":"\u003cp\u003eYou are purchasing symbolic, non physical air,  a satirical, spiritual, and digital ritual representing breath, release, and cosmic support.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eUpon purchase, you’ll receive a Certificate of Inhalation™ — personalized and delivered to your email or WhatsApp. This certificate is art. The breath is metaphorical. The joke is real.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e🌬️ This is:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFor the spiritually cooked\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFor the emotionally breathless\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFor anyone who wants to support this multidimensional madness without buying a T-shirt\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e💡 You are not receiving a physical product, canister, or bottled air. This is symbolic art, part of our Shamanic Needles satire series.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eComes with:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDigital Certificate of Inhalation™\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePhoto of the Founders sacred clown hand holding invisible breath\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBragging rights for supporting chaos at its finest\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003eRefunds? You already breathed.\u003cbr\u003eLegal issues? We exhaled the risk.\u003cbr\u003eStill confused? Breathe deeper.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Shamanic Needles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":42527593234521,"sku":null,"price":11.11,"currency_code":"EUR","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0657\/4145\/5449\/files\/IMG-3690.png?v=1753448285"},{"product_id":"untitled-jul25_17-31","title":"IVANA’s Shadow — Limited Edition Darkness","description":"\u003cp\u003eYou are not buying a shadow.\u003cbr\u003eYou’re buying a digital ritual, a cosmic inside joke, and the bragging rights to say:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e“Yeah, I bought someone’s shadow online.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e🖤 What’s included:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eA raw photo of Ivana’s actual shadow (unedited, captured during an identity crisis)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eA Certificate of Shadow Possession™ delivered via email or WhatsApp\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThe vague feeling you just did something powerful and\/or cursed\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e⚠️ Not included:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eRefunds (the shadow is non-refundable by metaphysical law)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eLight (obviously)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eEmotional stability\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e🌀 This item is part of our WTF Are We Even Buying collection, where satire and shadow work hold hands and skip into capitalism.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOne fragment. One price. One soul slightly more disturbed than before.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWarning: Side effects may include laughter, confusion, and sudden reflection on your own shadow. Enter the loop consciously.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Shamanic Needles ","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":42528010207321,"sku":null,"price":7.77,"currency_code":"EUR","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0657\/4145\/5449\/files\/IMG-3693.png?v=1753450675"},{"product_id":"my-happiness-reserved-but-not-included","title":"MY HAPPINESS — Reserved but not Included","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis listing is for symbolic purposes only.\u003cbr\u003eYou're not buying happiness — you’re sponsoring its search.\u003cbr\u003eThis chair has been reserved for My Happiness™ since approximately 1997.\u003cbr\u003eShe's elusive, moody, and occasionally posts cryptic Instagram stories.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIncludes a digital certificate of symbolic possession, emailed after checkout.\u003cbr\u003eNo balloons, chairs, or joy will be physically delivered, except if requested.\u003cbr\u003eThis is an art piece. A conceptual item. A coping mechanism. A cosmic joke.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e✨ Price: 11.111\u003cbr\u003e(Coincidence? Not at all.)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e🚨 Disclaimer: Not legally happiness. Not a substitute for therapy. Not edible.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNote: This item is clearly symbolic and not intended for actual use, but...\u003cbr\u003eif someone out there is crazy enough to buy it — there’s only one in stock.\u003cbr\u003eJust saying. No pressure. Universe works in mysterious (and expensive) ways.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you’re buying this, congratulations - you are now part of the resistance.\u003cbr\u003eWelcome to Shamanic Needles.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Shamanic Needles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":42528316162137,"sku":null,"price":11111.0,"currency_code":"EUR","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0657\/4145\/5449\/files\/IMG_3697.png?v=1753455747"},{"product_id":"emotional-damage™-deluxe-edition","title":"EMOTIONAL DAMAGE™ — Deluxe Edition","description":"\u003cp\u003eYou’ve been through it.\u003cbr\u003eYou’ve cried in parking lots, astral projected mid-panic, and trauma-bonded with the moon.\u003cbr\u003eNow you can own the one thing nobody asked for but everyone has:\u003cbr\u003eEmotional Damage™.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou will receive:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e🩹 A digital certificate confirming you carry certified cosmic wounds.\u003cbr\u003e🫀 The honor of being “that person” in your friend group.\u003cbr\u003e🧠 Validation for overthinking everything since 1998.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo healing included. No advice. No “have you tried yoga?” Just a receipt for the shit you already survived.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026gt; Disclaimer: This item is symbolic. If you relate too hard, you’re allowed to cry, but not allowed to sue.\u003cbr\u003eCertificate sent via email or WhatsApp. Display it proudly next to your childhood trauma.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePS. Potato if you are still subscribed, blink twice.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Shamanic Needles ","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":42528520634457,"sku":null,"price":12.22,"currency_code":"EUR","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0657\/4145\/5449\/files\/IMG-3702.png?v=1753459062"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0657\/4145\/5449\/collections\/IMG-3691.png?v=1753450281","url":"https:\/\/shamanicneedles.com\/collections\/wtf-are-we-even-buying.oembed","provider":"Shamanic Needles ","version":"1.0","type":"link"}